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The boy I love is gone. The boy I’ve love for 6yrs is no longer there. He;s gone. I keep hoping that it’d be like the 6 times and you’re lying about not wanting me and come back. But it’s really over this time. 

You used to cry over me. All the time. And now you could care less if I live or not. You were my best friend.  

I wanna die. I’m trying so hard not to cut. 

The last 3 times I’ve been to see my nana she’s given me money. I don’t even ask for it. But now I’m getting used to it…..anyways…I now have 45 dollars! I’m RICH. 

What to buy, what to buy…

Yeah, totally ate a lot today once again. But I had a lovely time with my boyfriend. But I have really got to stop. I’ve gained so much weight since march and it’s all going to my stomach/love handles/ back. So, Fasting tomorrow and sunday. At least until dinner then i’ll eat something small. 

Just because I don’t cry every time I eat, only sometimes anymore. Doesn’t mean I’m okay. I’m not okay. I hate myself and my body. 

My dog is a dick. Seriously, he’s such an ass. 

I want to punch whoever came up with calories in the face. 

It’s really embarrassing how easy it is for me to cry. Like, I mean EASY. If you someone starts yelling or fussing at me, I will instantly start crying. INSTANTLY. I have NO control over it. It’s really embarrassing and pisses me off. I blame my father. I blame my father for everything. 

It’s impossible for me to listen to music and not sing.

I didn’t like Nicholas Hoult in Skins but I loved him in Warm Bodies.

I think i’m officially obsessed with him now. Such a handsome human being. 

MARRY ME 

It’s my birthday and i’ll have a mental breakdown and cry if I want too…

Funny how i’m back down to 128 (almost 127) when I was 130 yesterday morning. Because I did a 24hr fast and then only had 500 calories of cereal,hot chocolate and one cookie. 

And today’s my 21st birthday and we are getting mexican and ice cream. So i’ll just gained the 2 pounds back plus more, but i’ll just fast again tomorrow.

I’ve been 128 all month now it’s really annoying. when I was 125 for like 5 months. I need to get back to that pronto. I cannot get back in the 130’s and stay there again. Took forever to get out of it last year. 

Fuck this being fat crap. 

Ask me questions? Because I never get any. LET’S BE FRIENDS cause I have none.

I’m gonna be 21 on Sunday and I don’t have my license. Just got my permit renewed today actually just so I can order a drink on my birthday. 

How pathetic is that? Fuck parallel parking. It’s not like i’m ever gonna do it my life again. We only have like 2 places here where they have them and I’ll go out of my way not too. 

Fuck it. Fuck me. Worthless piece of nothing. 

Ah, hell. Did I really just eat all those powered donuts and milk mama brought home? Fuck. 

So bloated and cold.